Carnival of Destruction

She wanted to say that she was upset, but who would be bothered about that? She wanted to say that she was disappointed, but who would actually be concerned? In this great world, there was no one to rely on. And when she wondered if it was good or bad, she realized it was a little bit of both.

She concealed her pain. She kept her tears a secret. Sometimes she herself was astonished to see how and when she became so strong…
That wasn’t exactly her choice, if you ask. That was an absolute necessity. The only way she could survive was if she was strong.

That day, when her mother yelled at her and mistreated her in anger; blamed her for being the same as her brother, it ripped her heart apart and she realized that she had to carry her brother’s action over her shoulder throughout her life. However, she did not try to convince her mother that she was nothing like her brother, nor did she cry.

She had a previous relationship which failed miserably and chose not to be in a relationship ever again. And once more, it was a dismal failure. She was aware that the status “in a relationship” was not for her. But if one is in love, one is in love. There’s nothing you can do. So, she risked her heart to get broken, anew. Now, every piece of her heart is being shattered into tiny little pieces, everyday. And she is standing numb, watching the carnival of her own destruction.

Every time she dreamed of colors, the universe always found unique ways to paint it in black. Everything that was so normal for others was completely contrary to her. God had always shown his hatred toward her and repented of his error of creating and sending her to this beautiful earth. She always found herself thinking, this world was not for her.

And yet, she laughed, made jokes, and showed her best self amongst a bunch of people she liked to think of as her friends and family. But, within, she still felt an undesirable and incompetent creature.


Sleepless Night

I’m awakened again at midnight
With no one by my side,
While listening to the ticking sound
Of the clock in the darkness.
Even when, perhaps the gods are taking a rest.
Clockwork, doing its job,
Telling, the time is passing by
Without a halt.

There’s the sound of chirping crickets, outside.
Piercing the cold silent of the night,
Giving amity in my solitude,
Filling some zing in my vacant heart.

Restless mind, wandering here and there.
Want to stop somewhere, but where?
Thousands of questions have hoarded within,
Without a single answer to them.

I’m searching for something,
Have lost in the dark alleys of my past.
That other half of my heart.
You stole it, then acted you love,
Played with it, like it’s all you have,
Then threw it away, not once looking back —

Quiet tears streaming down,
I want to scream, but my mouth remains mum.
The pain is writhing through my heart,
Hammering again and again.
But, I know, I can bear this pain,
And the sun shall arise again,
To end the darkness.


A Vague Memory of Someone

Ummmm…..What was his name again?

This is just one of my bad habits. I keep forgetting. Be it the name of someone or something. The same happened today as well when I bumped into this photo in my backup gallery. I had no memory of having this picture at all. I captured this photo in 2019 in July. It’s been nearly two years.

I worked for a firm called Career DNA in Kolkata back then. I met this guy over there whose name I can’t remember now. He was doing an internship there. I never spoke with him in his six-month internship. It wasn’t until the last month of his internship that we finally started talking but not so much.

Although I never talked to him, I always liked him. He was the quietest person out there. I have never seen him speak or laugh much or taken part in any conversation. He used to sit with other people at lunch, but still lost in his own world. He had lots of abstract pen sketches attached to his cubicle wall. All of them were made by him. All bearing some kind of messages.

Sadly, I don’t clearly remember about those sketches anymore. And I wish I had clicked a picture of those as well. However, I remember very well the impression I had when I saw those sketches.

This pothos in the picture? He brought it and put it on that table. It was absolutely nothing to discuss about, but that same table where we all used to have our lunch every day, started looking different from that moment. An aura of positivity was all around. It was something we never gave a thought about, but he did.

Ironically, I took this photograph so I wouldn’t forget him. I didn’t though, did I? I may have forgotten his name, but I remember other things……


A Forbidden Wish

How I wish I could return to that country
Where my love resides. . . .

My happiness lies in those every moment
We had spent together –

Our walk on the meadow, side by side,
Not touching, but feeling
Each other’s presence.
And when in a moment our fingers rubbed abruptly,
That flushing feeling, running through my veins,
Hit my heart and made me swoon.

It still feels, as if,
It happened yesterday.

We were standing beneath the tree,
To save ourselves from the bristling rain, and
When the thunder struck on the dark raging sky,
I took my shelter on your chest,
Hiding myself in your heart from the cruel world,
And felt safer than ever.

I saw your eyes in that lambent light,
Filled with the amorous passion
And your tempting wet lips leaning on me,
Encasing mine with yours….
I found myself in the lost dream;
In the madness of love.
We promised each other,
Heaven and earth;
We promised each other
Would never get apart,
Making the nature the witness of our love.

Those are now “the pastness of the past”.
The love we had implanted in the rain,
Is, now, a dead tree,
Who has lost its leaves in the heartless winter.
And the emotions of my heart
Became a waned river,
Who has lost its course in the implacable desert.

The happiness is, now, an illusion,
Still deceiting me in my dreams,
And compelling me to make the wish
to return to that world,
Where my love resides.



Her eyes opened and she found herself looking at the clouded sky. Her forlorn eyes found hope. It was going to rain. The sound of the thunder roared at that very moment giving her disquiet heart an unfamiliar solace. And her dried lips broke into a small smile before turning into a raving laughter. She laughed and laughed again. She got up and spun, twirling her shredded skirt, still laughing…..

Then she stopped unexpectedly before falling on earth on her knees and looked up at the sky again. Her scream roared louder than the thunder when the rain came down straight like thousands of crystal knives and pierced the ragged skin of her face making it bleed in anguish, asking one thing….“WHY????????”


A Moment……

When you get a window seat in the train and see the darkness passing behind and the lights of the houses at the far, in the middle of the dark fields, are twinkling like fireflies, and then the wind strokes your hair gently yet ferociously, making it a haphazard mess, you never want to get down…….


The Girl on the Beach

I saw the girl
In the golden obscure light,
At the confluence of the day and night.
It felt real and yet so unreal,
That I often wonder,
If I really had seen the girl that day.

She was standing on the beach,
Facing the tired sea,
Keeping the eyes fixed on the horizon,
Where the sun was
Preparing to return to the another world,
Calling it a day,
Announcing the dusk.

The winds were rushing to chase
The setting sun,
Making her raven hair a haphazard mess.
The broken waves of the cold sea were
Touching her feet.
But she was unruffled to all of these.

Her impassive visage was giving
Nothing away.
Not even a single glimpse of emotion
Were evolving.
She was as stoic as a frozen river.
As if leaving the body on this earth,
Her soul has set out on a journey
With the sun to a faraway land,
In search of a new world.
Where she could get her smile back;
Like a Fickling deer she would run in the forest, all day;
Fly with the spontaneous birds,
Having no cage keeping her imprisoned.
She would sing with the fountain, dance in the rain.
A world, where there’s no pain.

I was enchanted by that lifeless beauty.
Unable to move, was just
Standing there looking at her,
The abandoned daughter of nature.

The sun was drowning at the end of the sea
And a curtain of the darkness started to fall.
Her figure was diminishing,
Making her, slowly, invisible.
The night was enclosing her,
Like a black poisonous serpent,
Taking her away to the world of dark magic.
A good soul they needed to corrupt,
For the evil kingdom to rise.
I can hear the sound of their victory trumpet,
The girl must have heard it too.
And she moved, as if, after an eternity,
Looked upward the starlit sky,
with a heavy head,
As though defeated by the world.

Then she turned and her eyes fell upon me,
And I fell into an unfathomable
Ocean of grief,
Drowning deep and deep.
A strange overwhelming emotion
Made me numb.
I felt like crying without any reason.
It was unbearable and I closed my eyes.
When I opened them,
There was nothing but the broad, empty beach,
And the blackness of the night.



The lake water was rippling in the gentle breeze as if dancing with the rhythm of the nature; the long branches of the banyan tree touching the water and playing with its ripples. He was watching it with profound absorbency from his window. He always found the nature very intriguing, that’s only because he always liked the things that were hard to explain. Nature and its behaviour, both were indefinite to the whole world and that’s what always amazed him the most. The hide and seek that always the nature was playing; its game of dark and light; it’s amazing how it rained when the sun was shining brightly over the sky; and that night after the storm how the half of the sky was covered with the dark cloud and the other half was crystal clear, shining with glittering starts. There’s a dissimulation in everything yet so beautiful…..

He took out the pen and the notebook from his drawer and was about to write something when his phone started buzzing. He saw the name flashing on the screen and exhaled a long breath before picking up,

“Yes, Dad.”
“May I know why the clients didn’t get any response from you yet? They are waiting.”

Always on point.

“I don’t think doing business with them would be a great idea, Dad. I mean, I know it can get us profit, but I think….”
“I don’t fucking care what you think, my dear son. I want this deal and you will get it for us. THAT’S FINAL.”

And the line went dead.

He closed his eyes shut. Gulped down his trembling breath. But, couldn’t escape the moisture that silently slid down his cheeks. He could never tell his father what he wanted. He could never show his father the poet, hiding inside him. He could never tell he didn’t want to do MBA or join his family business. He silently did what his family wanted and murdered his soul that craved for something else. Now, he was doubting his own existence. He didn’t even know if he was still alive. He somehow forgot what life was. How it felt to be alive. He didn’t remember when was the last time his heart beat out of excitement. He forgot how to be happy or when he was happy, last time.

His pen slid down on the floor out of his finger. The sound made him aware of the truth of his life. He let the pen be where it fell, didn’t pick it up. Threw his notepad in the drawer and locked it. Grabbed his phone and slammed the door on his way out of his room.

He didn’t know whom he was so mad upon. Those things which had no use for him or to himself  who failed to have the courage to use them.


The Past

Sometimes your past comes too strongly as a force of evil spirit to take your soul and ruin it for ever. You fight and you lose. You fight again and lose again. And the cycle goes on. They are too stubborn and never stops until they get what they want. You lose yourself in the dark, find yourself caged and chained. From those barriers of your dark cell you see people joking and laughing. They are happy. You scream. Sream as loud as possible so they can hear you and can save you from this confinement. They turn to you and smile and turn again to the opposite to carry on what they were doing. And you are left alone surrounded by those evil forces who will not stop at any cost untill they get your soul…….


The Dawn

Fly Away…..

The bruises adore her body every night,
The bluish bitten marks are real as the sun,
The red thick liquid
That is oozing from her lips,
Like the honey drips,
Was the kiss of her Prince.

Her lashes, like a skittish deer,
Are wet
With the salted wounds,
And her mind is raging at the thought
Of the deceived love.

She is confined
By her Prince in a shining armor,
In this dismal concreted chamber,
Far away from that lush greenery field,
That, once,
Used to be her home.

She is searching through the darkness, in vain,
To find the dream
Now, lost in the eternal damnation
Or anything,
That can pull her up from drowning
In this cold ocean, 
That leads to the underworld
Of the perpetual castigation.

The waves of pain
That is flowing through her veins,
Weakening her spirit of life.
And with her slowly closing eyes,
The glimmering hope
Of conquering his heart
Is dying.

The warm touch
On her gradually freezing body,
Wakes her up from the deathly slumber.
The soft rays of the sunrise
Coming in through the ajar window,
Slowly, illuminating her dark chamber
With the orange luminance.

She uplifts her broken limbs
With a great, tiring effort
And approaches the window
With her tottering steps.
With trembling hands,
She opens the window wide,
And let herself bathe in the shower Of the beautiful golden light.

The dawn has, finally, arrived,
Putting an end to her insufferable dark nights,
Irradiating the dungeon of her heart, Where she was imprisoned by her own,
Believing his false promises and oaths,
That he had made on the day that bound them together for life.

He has violated his pledges,
Hence, emancipated her from the knot
That held them together so long.
Now, she is free
To fly out of this iron cage,
Soaring to that beautiful, spacious sky.

The determination is as strong
As the stoic mountain,
That she would not let his words,
Make her dupe, like always.
She would not let him mark her,
As the man of the society
Can do whatever they pleases.

It’s her life,
Only she has the right
To decide
And she has chosen to step out into the world of light,
Leaving the darkness, behind.