She wanted to say that she was upset, but who would be bothered about that? She wanted to say that she was disappointed, but who would actually be concerned? In this great world, there was no one to rely on. And when she wondered if it was good or bad, she realized it was a little bit of both.
She concealed her pain. She kept her tears a secret. Sometimes she herself was astonished to see how and when she became so strong…
That wasn’t exactly her choice, if you ask. That was an absolute necessity. The only way she could survive was if she was strong.
That day, when her mother yelled at her and mistreated her in anger; blamed her for being the same as her brother, it ripped her heart apart and she realized that she had to carry her brother’s action over her shoulder throughout her life. However, she did not try to convince her mother that she was nothing like her brother, nor did she cry.
She had a previous relationship which failed miserably and chose not to be in a relationship ever again. And once more, it was a dismal failure. She was aware that the status “in a relationship” was not for her. But if one is in love, one is in love. There’s nothing you can do. So, she risked her heart to get broken, anew. Now, every piece of her heart is being shattered into tiny little pieces, everyday. And she is standing numb, watching the carnival of her own destruction.
Every time she dreamed of colors, the universe always found unique ways to paint it in black. Everything that was so normal for others was completely contrary to her. God had always shown his hatred toward her and repented of his error of creating and sending her to this beautiful earth. She always found herself thinking, this world was not for her.
And yet, she laughed, made jokes, and showed her best self amongst a bunch of people she liked to think of as her friends and family. But, within, she still felt an undesirable and incompetent creature.